FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

Wedding vows:
promises a couple makes to each other during a wedding ceremony.
Okay, and I think in the movies
i've heard "for better, for worse"
plenty of times.
So what does it really mean?

To me, that's probably the most meaningful part of
the speech.
What I've been through with my other
just in the past year and a half..
"For Worse"...
I guess the struggle has changed me...
But I guess not enough..

Because he got mad when i asked,
if it might be better to break up
for awhile,
Til both of us got our shit together...
When ever we talk about
what we need to fix in our
lives..
He talks like i'm the only one with changing to do..
Well...
I think we both have growing up
to do.
I had a baby at 18,
and another at 20.
I wasn't even done growing up yet.
And he definitely wasn't ready when I blew into his life with my peanut,
[after 4 years of having no contact with each other]
and then kinda forced another baby,
when he didn't want any children.
[LMAO!]
But he knew what he was getting into.
[shrug]
it is what it is.
They're here now,
and we need to get our shit together for these kids!
And lately, i've been thinking that
it might be easier if we took a little time apart.
I still love him with all my ♥,
but maybe it would be good for us.
But the part of me that's still a little girl,
is almost too scared to do it
for fear that he'll "cheat" on me
while we're "not together".
So it's a conflict...
[sigh]
there's always a conflict lately.

Sleepy...
Been blazin all day...
[LOL]
=]-~

ACCEPTED.

So, we got accepted into the shelter that I tried.
[sigh.]
Honestly, I don't know weather to be happy or sad!
I mean don't get me wrong,
it's a good thing...Because it could help us get housing...
But at the same time,
I gotta leave my rock.
My boo... What will i do without him around?
It just makes me a little sad...
We go through our ups and downs..
But when it's mattered, he's always been there.
=[
Plus, the whole "shelter" thing irks me a bit,
because I've been there, done that once already!
It's hard living with strangers
and all the rules are ridiculous!!
But I guess they have to be that way,
otherwise, people would just run wild and take advantage
of the help...
So Monday is the day.
and away we go.
At least we get away from the motel!
=]
But this stills kinda sucks..
I'll have to be in at 7:00pm every night...
That includes valentines day, and possibly my birthday =/
Well...
I guess I gotta do, what I gotta do.

*For these children.♥

FED UP.

i am so through!
I mean sometimes you love someone with all your heart,
But deep down you know, [they're bad for you.]
And I guess the only thing to do after that is leave. And move on.
Sometimes it's so hard, because you can't see yourself without that person.
You're comfortable with that person, and starting over is too much work!
Why start over when you have a person you know, and are soo familiar with, and can almost predict.
But sometimes leaving is the best thing.
When you're tired, and fed up with all the BULLSHiT!
The lies, the secrets, the bitches constantly hating and calling, trying to get with someone who you consider to be yours.
It just becomes too much.
They're never pleased with you,
no matter what you do.
They come home and find something to bitch about. Even though you spent your whole day
making sure everything was done, everything was perfect.

Well, There comes a point where everyone gets tired.
The point when you've had enough.
You get tired of it always being something.
Tired of being yelled at.
Tired of hearing "you stupid bitch".
Tired of it never being enough.
Well maybe you just don't have anymore to give...
Maybe you're tired of giving it ALL,
and reciving nothing in return...

R. Kelly told ya'll what happens when a woman's fed up...

There's nothing you can do about it.

LATELY.

Some things [specifically some people and their decisions and actions], have really been pissing ,me off.
I really hate it when grown people act like children!
What exactly is the point??
To get attention?
The only thing that with get you is negative attention.
An me, being the nice person i always am,
I let people's bullshit slide to avoid drama and confrontation.
Because i'm not really a confrontational person.
but lately, I'm just starting to not give a fuck about people,
Since people apparently don't really give a fuck about me and mine.
How do I know?
Because they always throw me attitude and try me like I'm scared.
Oh, I'm not scared, by any means.
I just want to keep the peace,
Because I've got too much to worry about already!
Plus the shit is childish.
And yet people are always calling me that
because I don't want to argue..
Hmmm... I just don't get it...
Well now, I don't care.
I'm doing what I have to do for me, and my beautiful babies.
Because unlike other people, my girls deserve me.
They love ME like no other.
And for them i am thankful.
♥

MRSA

Once again I had to go to the hospital last night.
I swear I am so sick of this shit. If it's not me they're cutting on, it's my hubby. =/
The "condition" is called "MRSA" or methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. It's a strain of staph that's resistant to the broad-spectrum antibiotics commonly used to treat it. MRSA can be fatal.

What Happens:
Staph skin infections, including MRSA, generally start as small red bumps that resemble pimples, boils or spider bites. These can quickly turn into deep, painful abscesses that require surgical draining. Sometimes the bacteria remain confined to the skin. But they can also penetrate into the body, causing potentially life-threatening infections in bones, joints, surgical wounds, the bloodstream, heart valves and lungs

How it happens:

MRSA is a strain of staph that's resistant to the broad-spectrum antibiotics commonly used to treat it.

Staph bacteria are normally found on the skin or in the nose of about one-third of the population. If you have staph on your skin or in your nose but aren't sick, you are said to be "colonized" but not infected. Healthy people can be colonized and have no ill effects. However, they can pass the germ to others.

Staph bacteria are generally harmless unless they enter the body through a cut or other wound, and even then they often cause only minor skin problems in healthy people. However, staph infections can cause serious illness. This most often happens in older adults and people who have weakened immune systems, usually in hospitals and long term care facilities. But in the past several years, serious infections have been occurring in otherwise healthy people in the community, for example athletes who share equipment or personal items.

Antibiotic resistance
Although the survival tactics of bacteria contribute to antibiotic resistance, humans bear most of the responsibility for the problem. Leading causes of antibiotic resistance include:

• Unnecessary antibiotic use. Like other superbugs, MRSA is the result of decades of excessive and unnecessary antibiotic use. For years, antibiotics have been prescribed for colds, flu and other viral infections that don't respond to these drugs, as well as for simple bacterial infections that normally clear on their own.
• Antibiotics in food and water. Prescription drugs aren't the only source of antibiotics. In the United States, antibiotics can be found in livestock. These antibiotics find their way into municipal water systems when the runoff from feedlots contaminates streams and groundwater.
• Germ mutation. Even when antibiotics are used appropriately, they contribute to the rise of drug-resistant bacteria because they don't destroy every germ they target. Bacteria live on an evolutionary fast track, so germs that survive treatment with one antibiotic soon learn to resist others. And because bacteria mutate much more quickly than new drugs can be produced, some germs end up resistant to just about everything. That's why only a handful of drugs are now effective against most forms of staph.

So if you didn't want to read all that...
MRSA is basically a bacteria or staph that is resistant to most antibiotics. So when is forms under your skin the only way to fix it...
Let the people at the hospital "Numb" the area, [which hurts like hell!] then take a scalpel and lance (or cut) open the area and drain out the poison[staph].
The whole process hurts like nothing i've ever experienced. Including having kids. =[
This was my second time being treated. The first time I waited so long that I had to have surgery on my side, so now there is a huge scar there.
This time it was on my left breast, so they just lanced it.
I screamed through the whole thing. talk about PAIN.
My hubby has had it done 4 times total.
It's really N O fun.

So in short I'm trying to get the word out, because alot of people don't know.
This condition can be very dangerous to children because their immune systems aren't strong enough to fight it. It can be FATAL.

MRSA is not contagious, so don't alienate someone if they have it. But if you know someone who does, DON'T SHARE towels, razors, or personal items. It is passed from one person to another from cuts or small openings on the body.

FOR MORE iNFORMATiON ViSiT: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/mrsa/DS00735
or just google: MRSA

"Live ya Life"

I am soo feeling this song lately! It's my fave song of the moment...[My ALLTiME fave is "If This world were Mine" By Luther Vandross.♥] So I think I can relate to this song..
On more then one level, I know what you're thinking..["It's just a song" right?]
Well I really ♥ Music. So when I hear a song, I really listen to the words...
Most songs have a... message? I guess that's the best word for it, LOL.
It's basically a message from the artist, that helps the listener relate to the song on a personal level. Most good songs have them... excluding dance songs.
Anyway, I really love this song! =]

The Lyrics:

"Live ya Life" T.I. [feat. Rihanna] on the "Paper Trail" Ablbum
[thanks to "letssingit.com"]

[Chorus - Rihanna]: 
You're gonna be a shining star, fancy clothes, fancy car-ars
And then you'll see, you're gonna go far
Cause everyone knows, who you are-are
So live your life, ay ay ay
Instead of chasing that paper
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
Ain't got no time for no haters 
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
No telling where it'll take you
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
Cause I'm a paper chaser
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh) 
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh) 

[Verse 1 - T.I.]: 
Never mind what haters say, ignore them 'til they fade away
Amazing they ungrateful after all the game I gave away
Safe to say I paved the way, for you cats to get paid today
You still be wasting days away, nah had I never saved the day
Consider them my protégé, homage I think they should pay
Instead of being gracious, they violated in a major way
I never been a hater still I love them, in a crazy way
Some say they so yay and no they couldn't even work on Labor Day
It ain't that they black or white, their hands of area in shades of grey
I'm west side anyway, even if I left the day it fades away
Some move away to make a way not move away cause they afraid
I'll go back to the hood and all you ever did was take away
I pray for patience but they make me want to melt they face away
Like I once made them scream, now I could make them put the K's away
Been thuggin' all my life, can't say I don't deserve to take a break
If you ever see me catch a case, and watch my future fade away

[Chorus - Rihanna]: 
You're gonna be a shining star, fancy clothes, fancy car-ars
And then you'll see, you're gonna go far
Cause everyone knows, who you are-are
So live your life, ay ay ay
Instead of chasing that paper
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
Ain't got no time for no haters 
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
No telling where it'll take you
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
Cause I'm a paper chaser
Just living my life

[Verse 2 - T.I.]: 
I'm the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with 
The spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid
Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics
Articulate but still would grab a nigga by the collar quick
Whoever havin problems with they record sales just holla Tip
If that don't work and all else fail, then turn around and follow Tip
I got love for the game but ay I'm not in love with all of it
Could do without the fame and rappers nowadays a comedy
The hootin' and the hollerin', back and forth with the arguing
Where you from, who you know, what you make and what kind of car you in 
Seems as though you lost sight of whats important when depositing
checks into your bank account, and you up out of poverty
Your values is in disarray, prioritizin horribly
Unhappy with the riches cause you piss poor morally
Ignoring all prior advice and forewarning
And we mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden aren't we?

[Chorus - Rihanna]: 
You're gonna be a shining star, fancy clothes, fancy car-ars
And then you'll see, you're gonna go far
Cause everyone knows, who you are-are
So live your life, ay ay ay
Instead of chasing that paper
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
Ain't got no time for no haters 
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
No telling where it'll take you
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay
Cause I'm a paper chaser
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh) 
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)

[Bridge - Rihanna]:
Got everybody watching what I do
Come walk in my shoes
And see the way I'm living if you really want to
Got my mind on my money
And I'm not going nowhere
So keep on getting your paper and keep on climbing
Look in the mirror and keep on shining
Till the game end, till the clock stop
We gonna post up on the top spot
Livin my life, my life
Brand new city, got my whole team with me
My life, my life
I do it how I wanna do
I'm livin my life, my life
I will never lose now
Livin my life, my life
And I'm not stoppin

So live your life.



Knowledge I take away from this song:
Live your life in a way that makes you happy.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks!
Because life isn't about pleasing other people. Nobody understands the situation you're in but you!
And maybe someone who's in it with you. But the Haters?
They don't understand, and who cares if they don't?
Truly it's None of their buisness.
So, Do what you do! Make this money,
Handle your business,
To put it simply,

-Live your Life!

A New Start..

Okay, so it's 2009, and I think it's going to bring some major changes for me.
I'm Ready God.
Make me over, so I can recieve my blessings!

I'm ready to become who I know I can be.
I just wasn't ready til now.
But everything has it own time,
And now It's MY time to shine!
Get ready world,
here I come!!
♥