Just Can't Take Anymore.

We're struggling,
it's hard.
Very hard to handle,
it sucks,
at times it dosen't seem worth it.

i Know.
I've felt those things,
as well, and wanted to quit.
But i won't.
I won't give up because i've come too far
to turn back now.
I've been through too fuckin much
to give up on this life.
I've been down too many times before,
i'm not going back down now.
I refuse.
And though i love you with all my heart...
if you continue to drag me down,

i will leave you behind.
***

I'm sick and tired,
of forgiving and forgetting.
I've made this known for some time now,
[ya digg?]
I'm trying to hold on tight,
to stay down,
standing strong by your side,
but..
you're wearing me down.
How can i have any strength left to deal with the
world,
when i use it all up dealing with
you.

I've complained before,
told you how i feel,
screamed at you,
STOP!
Before you make me hate you..
but it seems my warnings went unheeded,
and
it's time for me to go.

My head knows,
it keeps saying
"Nikki, let's go. There's nothing more we can do.
Your smarter then this, deserve better then this."

My heart can't seem to understand.
it keeps saying
"If we leave, then what?
nothing.
Alone.
What if he never comes around again?"

I just don't care anymore.
i can do it alone.
Hell, i pretty much do it alone now.
i take care of my kids,
i go to school.
i just need a job.
Point is, i could handle it
alone.

Maybe that's the way it should be.
[digg that.]
-♥

Theives, Not Friends.

It's funny how people will take advantage of a helping hand,
And steal for someone who offered them aid.

So, me and my significant other tried to help this couple we met.
They were homeless, and she [supposedly] was pregnant.
We met them when the husband offered to fix my sig's car.
His wife was with him,
and they seemed like decent people
who just happened to be down on their luck,
like us!
We smoked our green with them,
gave them money, bus passes,
fed them,
And let them sleep on the floor for a night.
Now I think this is being pretty generous considering
that we don't have much ourselves!
We were becoming friends with these people!
I was conversating with this chick like a friend,
and my sig was getting to know her husband.
Normally I don't trust people so quickly,
But I guess they had me fooled!
The other night they were at the house when my sig
was at work,
And the husband kept asking me if my sig had been home.
I didn't know why he was asking,
so I said no.
[Even though my sig had been home, I didn't know why he wanted to know,
and if something seems fishy like that, I'm not going to willingly give up info.!]

Come to find out he was asking because he'd stolen some green!
He was asking because he knew my sig would notice if some green was missing,
but chances are, I wouldn't.
And I didn't.
They also stole half a pack of cigarettes that night.
And my sig told me later,
that more green had gone missing the night they stayed.

ugh.

This hurts my heart!
I trusted these people!
I let them come around my kids!

Now, I know a little weed and some cigarettes dosen't seem like a big deal.
But it was my sig's hard earned money that was spent on those things.
And these people had the audacity to steal from us,
when we shared what little we do have with them!
We didn't have to share,
We did it out of the kindness of our hearts.

I can't believe I trusted them.
I'll never trust another random fuckin person.
EVER.

♥

LATELY.

Some things [specifically some people and their decisions and actions], have really been pissing ,me off.
I really hate it when grown people act like children!
What exactly is the point??
To get attention?
The only thing that with get you is negative attention.
An me, being the nice person i always am,
I let people's bullshit slide to avoid drama and confrontation.
Because i'm not really a confrontational person.
but lately, I'm just starting to not give a fuck about people,
Since people apparently don't really give a fuck about me and mine.
How do I know?
Because they always throw me attitude and try me like I'm scared.
Oh, I'm not scared, by any means.
I just want to keep the peace,
Because I've got too much to worry about already!
Plus the shit is childish.
And yet people are always calling me that
because I don't want to argue..
Hmmm... I just don't get it...
Well now, I don't care.
I'm doing what I have to do for me, and my beautiful babies.
Because unlike other people, my girls deserve me.
They love ME like no other.
And for them i am thankful.
♥